The Fall

She desperately adjusts her grip, but those fingers won't hold on much longer. She is no different than all the girls that came before her. Their hands always fail them. I made sure of it.

That’s why I choose to focus on her eyes. That’s where the real story unfolds. Will they open wide to reveal her final panic? From there, the fall will start with a slip, awarding my victim a painful scrape as a last trophy before plummeting. It’s happened so many times that I dare call it formulaic.

But this one doesn't show signs of panic yet. No matter. Any moment now, she’ll squeeze her eyes closed, accepting the fate I’ve dealt her before releasing her grip. It sounds dramatic, yet the peaceful descent that follows somehow disappoints me. Without the rush of knowing that I control of what happens, none of this would be worth it. No, I'm not here for them to experience zen or tranquility. 

And, thankfully, neither is this one! She seems intent to make this day exciting. Now, I wait and hope to see that frantic scramble; the belief that there must be a way - somewhere. It begins when the eyes dart in every direction looking for that elusive escape. When they realize there is no other way, the eyes pick an impossible leap and settle on it. For a moment, everything is still. I can almost see the determination building. Then, the squint. Presumably this increases her focus on the target, but it feels like a gift to me. Like a sprinter, the entire body settles in for the explosive movement that follows. That one move that would magically keep her from the ground below. These are my favorite girls. I know I shouldn’t have favorites, but I suppose I'm just a sucker for the ones that refuse to give up. Either way, the end result for the determined ones is exactly the same as everyone else.

Except, this one still feels different. Her eyes are not looking for alternatives. They quietly stare back at her other hand. This is new. My face flushes as the sweat collects on my hairline. Did I overlook something? No. Of course not. Someone else would have found it by now. Unless she’s that special. 

I remind myself to stay in the moment. “You will win. Enjoy your victory.” I can taste the anticipation. My phone buzzes in my pocket but I ignore it. Probably just another mundane Instagram post bragging about a teenager's acceptance into college. In some ways, I envy them. If excitement was that easy, I would embrace it. For me, though, it needs the risk. The stakes need to be high. Not money, mind you. Money is just a tool that can be easily recovered. Uncertainty comes in one moment. One moment of total success or a permanent failure.

My gaze returns to her left hand just in time. Her fingers release voluntarily. 

“NO! NOT THIS WAY!”

My head hangs as I await the inevitable sound. But, it doesn't come! She dangles precariously from a tiny horizontal crack with her right hand, kicking against the wall as the left one joins it. GLORIOUS! My brain races to comprehend the moment. I am alive! It feels like an eternity yet I still want to freeze time and live here. The tingling in my ears and the pounding in my chest are nothing short of perfection. She finds dangerously fragile footing. Just enough to allow her hands to reposition - albeit slightly. Her eyes close momentarily as she takes a slow, deep breath. Please, let this last forever. 

Her legs tense as she bends. She's preparing for a jump toward safety. My mind races to calculate the possibilities. My stomach churns with the possibility that she would outwit me again. Achieving flight from such a small perch seems unlikely. Her feet must hold firmly. Her fingers cannot shift. She must align her leap precisely. And the power required to travel this far could only be found in the most elite athletes. But she defied me once already. I step forward as she successfully launches out of her awkward position. SPLENDID! She floats like an eagle from its nest - a perfect mix of grace and power. Her hands reach for the ledge. Each digit grazes the top and then grasps firmly. But her momentum sweeps her legs away from the wall, increasing the pressure required by her grip. When the swing brings her body perpendicular to the wall, I remember to watch her eyes. They open wide as I roll onto my toes. At last, her fingers release and she begins the descent. Her body smashes flat and bounces on the gray below. I can smile. My genius remains intact.

She remains prone briefly before hopping up, clapping her hands, and shrugging. I applaud her effort with the rest of the crowd. She waves to us with a smile - and no knowledge that I was her tormentor. 

As for me, I immediately leave to plot a more insidious problem for the next time we meet.  

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Routesetter (noun) - a person who designs routes on indoor, artificial rock climbing walls. These professionals, typically employed by a rock climbing gym, combine technical craft with an artistic representation of real rock climbing moves. Whether for recreation or in a competition, rock climbers attempt to ascend the wall using this route.